It is natural to experience intense grief after someone close dies, but prolonged grief is different. Troubling thoughts, dysfunctional behaviors or problems regulating emotions get a foothold and stall adaptation. Complicated grief is the condition that occurs when this happens. People with complicated grief don't know what’s wrong. They assume that their lives have been irreparably damaged by their loss and cannot imagine how they can ever feel better. Grief dominates their thoughts and feelings with no respite in sight. Relationships with family and friends flounder. Life can seem purposeless, like nothing seems to matter without their loved one. Others begin to feel frustrated, helpless and discouraged. Even professionals may be uncertain about how to help. People often think this is depression but complicated grief and depression are not the same thing.
There are three key processes entailed in adapting to a loss: 1) accepting the reality, including the finality and consequences of the loss, 2) reconfiguring the internalised relationship with the deceased person to incorporate this reality, and 3) envisioning ways to move forward with a sense of purpose and meaning and possibilities for happiness. Most people move forward naturally in this way and grief finds a place in their lives as they do. Sometimes there are thoughts, feelings or behaviors that interfere with adaptation. Prolonged Grief Therapy (PGT) helps people identify and resolve these interfering issues.
Complications that get in the way of grieving
Troubling thoughts: After a loved one dies, almost everyone has some unsettling thoughts about how things could have been different. People with complicated grief get caught up in these kinds of thoughts.
Avoidance of reminders: People with complicated grief often think the only way they can manage pain is to stop the emotions from being triggered. To do this they try to avoid reminders of the loss.
Difficulty managing painful emotions: Emotions are almost always strong and uncontrollable during acute grief and managing them is different than at other times in our lives. Most people find a way to balance the pain with respite by doing other things, being with other people or distracting themselves. People with complicated grief are often unable to do this.
